Dear Pastor,

I greet you in the name of Jesus Christ who alone can carry the cross. I am a 23-year-old young woman who is going through some of the toughest times in my life. When I was in my late teens, I met a guy whom I fell in love with. I later found out he was married. I broke off the relationship and tried to move on, but it was very difficult to do so.

After I finished high school, I went away to further my studies. While I was away, he contacted me and told me that he wanted to help me. He knew my father had died and that I needed financial help. We began a relationship and I became pregnant by him. The pregnancy was unplanned. He deliberately got me pregnant because he knew I would end the relationship once my studies were over. I cried over the situation and begged God to help me with the shame and hurt I was feeling.

Soon after our child was born, I began to see another side to him. I realised he was not the monster I thought he really was. He took really good care of his child. At one point I had to tell him that this was not the type of life I wanted in my young age. Now everything has changed. He has stopped calling as often as he used to and he has stopped giving me money even though he is in a good position. So, I left him alone.

Soon after, I met a man who is older than I and we began a relationship. The relationship lasted for about two years. He was my ideal type of man - hardworking, humble and quiet. We had a great relationship filled with love and laughter. But I found out he was also a liar. I overheard him talking to his son who lives overseas. The son asked him if it was true that he was going to marry his mother. When he realised that I had overheard the conversation, he pretended to be upset and questioned his son where he had got that information from. We got into a fight over the issue and he denied everything. We decided to start anew.

Early this year a friend of mine was in Canada. She called to ask if my man was being honest with me about his business and I told her yes, our relationship is built on trust. She told me that he had told his sister that he was going to marry his baby-mother who had abandoned him, because she was going to help him get to America. I told him what I had heard. At first he denied everything but when I confronted him with the facts, he began to cry saying he was sorry. He told me that Jamaica was getting too tough and that he wanted to make life for himself overseas.

Pastor, I cried my heart out. My eyes filled with pain instead of tears. My whole body trembled as if I had a fever. I had never done anything bad to this man. When I met him he was single and going through a break-up. He begged me to love him and I tried not to because of my past relationship. But eventually I did. He still wants me to be involved with him even though he is married to his baby-mother, but I swear if that's the only way I will ever have a man, I don't want any.

I can't begin to explain how I am feeling and only my tears will help get rid of the pain, heartache, hatred and anger I have inside of me. What did I do to deserve this from God? All my life I tried to do good, be good and be a humble person. But I can tell you that it does not work for me at all. How can I ever forgive this man who had told me he loved me? Life is a cycle and what goes around comes around. In time, he will learn the hard way. He has been telling me that I can't leave him and that whomsoever I am with will get what belongs to him. I don't want him back and I never want to see him again nor do I want anything to do with him.

Please, I am begging you to help me get this man out of my thoughts and my life. Help me to be strong so that what happened won't get me down. Pray for me so that this curse will leave me. I don't want any married man in my life. That is not right in the sight of God. I am not a Christian but I am blessed through vision. I wonder if all this is happening because I know God is calling me.

S.G., Trelawny, Jamaica

Dear S.G.,

What do you mean that you are "blessed through vision?" If this "vision" thing is so special, how come you did not see that the men you've had in your life were liars and pretenders? How come you didn't see that this man, the last guy in your life, had proposed to his child's mother and intended to marry her? You see, what I'm trying to say to you is that you should stop talking nonsense about "vision".

Now I want you to know that I regret hearing that you were emotionally and psychologically abused. You believed these men. The man who impregnated you did so wilfully. You called your pregnancy unplanned, but he planned it very well. He is indeed a very wicked man. And the older man has only used you. His intention was always to have a woman who would take care of him and then he would get married to another woman so that he would be in a position to live abroad. You shouldn't even talk to this weasel again.

Stop blaming God. It is not God who put you into this situation. You made your own choices and, regrettably, they were wrong choices. So, learn from your mistakes. And if any man shows interest in you in the future, tell him that both of you ought to go for counselling. Learn as much as possible about him before the relationship becomes tight.

Pastor