What a gwaan massive?! All mi haffi ask is "WHY?" WHY people? WHY? Wha a happen inna di music serious yah now and mii nuh know wha fi say, but WHY? So di whole a di suss dem deh week yah name WHY?! Link mi pon hotgalcherry@hotmail.com. Suss time!

WHY CHINO AND ALAINE? WHY?

Mi need smaddy fi tell me why Alaine and Chino lef'? Dem juss done so. Aii sah. Mi did have such high hopes fi him and Alaine have some niiiice blonde hair pickney. Woiii, mi need fi behave. Since dem lef' Don start mek music again, so mi a wondah whoffah camp she go join nex'? Fuss a did Daseca, den Don camp, den Big Ship camp. Lawd, please nuh mek she run eenah Gaza camp. Do Lawd! Nex' ting a fi har face we see inna pictuh! Hashkalabish falamakulah! (Sprinkle mi "Oil of Set Yuh Face Free From Vein and Twist Eye" and dash out di "Oil Of Thou Shalt Not Join Gaza"). Alaine, nuh join no more camp, juss record fi everybody from now on, ah di bes' way dat!

WHY ELE? WHY?

Lawd have mercy, see it deh, Immigration hol' on pon Ele and refuse fi mek him lef' di island cause him allegedly owe millions inna taxation. Why? Ele why? Yuh sing ovah di WHOOOLE ah Beyonce, Rihanna, Chris Brown an' everybody song, now seet deh, people tink yuh a mek money. Yuh need fi tell dem say yuh juss a do some sing ovah so yuh naw get no royalty pon di song dem. Yuh need fi wussarah draw reference to when yuh Range did lef' yuh ah road inna big ole New Kingston in a di boilin sun hot, so till yuh did probably haffi a tank di Lawd "thay yu toe very lighter than di reth ah yuh body" so yuh cudda come out an push yuh Range. Ele yuh nuh membah? Mi did all talk bout it inna di suss an' remind yuh say when foreignah say dem a "push" dem Range, a nuh fi come out an push di bruck dung vehicle dung di road. Ele, come dung yah fi a back copy a di papah and show dem di suss bout di bruk dung vehicle, and show dem yuh recent song dem say a sing ovah, so yuh nuh know how di millions go.

WHY DELISHUS? WHY?

People, oonu see Delishus recently? Mi mumma! Smaddy pinch me an' tell me say dem see har and sen' mi some pictuh. Smaddy nuh fi move from "Hot" to "Not a Backfoot" so quick. She need fi go back inna di music industry and stop fallah backa no-hit, too-much-colour-wearin Nitty. Di oddah night dem come Wet Sundaze an' she dress like Likkle Miss Tiyad Farmer an' har face look sad till mi nearly stop dance fi bawl. No man. If yuh insist fi look so, yuh need fi change yuh name to "Formerly Known As" and when people ask yuh formerly known as wha, nuh badda wid di almshouse and say "Delishus", cause nex' ting dem bar yuh fi identity theft, say a lie yuh a tell. Lawd.

WHY ADDI? WHY?!

Smaddy can tell me why every week mi haffi a see Kartel one-eyed monster? Juss WHY? We need fi re-do deh Superman slang deh wha say, "It's a biiird! It's a plaaaane! No it's Kartel's (oonu fill een di blank). No man it start look a way now. How yuh fi be one alleged 'gangsta artiste' and know say ah nuh only female fan yuh have and a subjec' yuh male fan dem to dem pictuh deh too? Apart from dat, di gal who inna deh new pictuh yah ah perform deh act deh, summen wrong wid har eye dem? How dem a twist up inna har head so? Inna di fuss set a pictuh dem wid deh female artiste deh, vein ah stan' up inna har face, now dis yah woman yah look like she possessed wid har eye dem cross an' a stare out like she see duppy. WHYYYY?! Mi nuh see Killa a release pictuh, so wha yuh a dash it inna female and male fan face so? No man. Mi feel like deh one-eyed monster deh a stalk mi now. Nowadays mi haffi a look good if a mi shadow mi see or ah part ah yuh body. Lawd! (Walks away singing "Sometimes I feel like dat ting is watching meee.")

WHY DING WRONG? WHY?

Ah me one nearly bawl when Ding Wrong tek di stage ah di Champs opening ceremony? Firs' of all, mi tiyad fi talk to him bout dem Men In Tights deh wha him ah walk roun' wid. Secon' of all, mi nevah know smaddy cudda sound wussarah dan L.A. Lewis and Monster Twins combined, but special shout out go to Ding Wrong fi show say anyting wi set wi mind to, we can achieve! Yuh need fi lip-sync like Milli Vanilli straight. It nuh mattah if di CD scratch while yuh a perform, wi will suffah tru dat an' wait fi di CD fix fi yuh start again, or even if it cyaan fix, we will look pon yuh mout' a move wid no sound. It's ok. We are an understanding audience. Thank us later.