I am an 18-year-old graduate. My life is very stressful at times, when I think of things. Let me start with my first problem. Everything was going well with my one and only love, until things started to go bad. I love him so much. We weren't getting along because he promised me he would be faithful and good to me, but he broke that promise. He had many girlfriends and I didn't like that so I broke up with him.

After going through all that, I started a new relationship with a Christian guy. He attended my school but left before me. He gives me everything I want, even when I don't need it. He actually spoils me but the thing I don't like about him is that he doesn't like to give me all the attention I need and the comfort I require. Whenever we have a little misunderstanding he buys me things to make me feel nice, but what he doesn't know is money can't buy my love. I tried to tell him that I cannot be bought but he doesn't listen.

My feelings started to change for my current boyfriend and I still couldn't get over my ex. They say love is blind and it really is. My ex wanted me back and I wanted him also, so we made a commitment again and started over. I began a relationship with him without the knowledge of my current boyfriend. However, my ex-boyfriend did not approve. I had to tell my current boyfriend the truth.

I went by his house, sat him down and told him everything about my ex-boyfriend and me. He was terribly upset but there was nothing I could do. We had sex for the last time and that was it. But, to tell you the truth, he really was no different from my ex because he, too, was cheating. He was with one of my friends and three other girls elsewhere.

When my ex and I continued our relationship it was going better than before, until something happened. I found out I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do. I was afraid of everything. I was afraid of what would happen and I just was not ready. I told my boyfriend and he asked me what I wanted to do. I told him I don't want a child right now and I am going to do an abortion.

I didn't have the money to do the abortion and I didn't know how to get it. Out of the blue my ex-boyfriend rang me. When I answered I was crying and I just told him everything that had been happening. What I did not tell him was that the child I was carrying was not his. So, he gave me the money to have the abortion.

painful

When I had the abortion it was one of the most painful ordeals I had ever been through. It was also very expensive. I expressed my appreciation to him for giving me the money. This is a secret that I told no one, but now it is bothering me.

Two weeks ago I had sex with my ex-boyfriend. My current boyfriend doesn't know and I am afraid to tell him. I need your help and advice.

D.

Dear D.,

You are behaving like a bad girl. You know what you are doing, but you fail to understand you have something that is called a conscience and it is going to bother you when you continue to do things that are not right. There is a difference between a girl who sells her body, such as a prostitute, and one like you who is playing around with two men and having sex with both of them.

The prostitute's conscience won't bother her because she is selling. Everybody knows she is a hooker. But you are not a prostitute. You are just playing the fool and behaving as if you are smart. So, you will get hurt and your conscience will bother you until you cease playing around and keep one man.

If you have broken up with a man you ought not to go back to him and have sex with him while you are in a new relationship. Otherwise, he would never think you are a good girl and he would never trust you.

You are a very careless girl. What I am trying to do here is not to condemn you, but to show you that you will pay a heavy price for practising trickery. Each of these guys believes he was responsible for getting you pregnant. But, you knew which one actually did it.

Now, I know you are young but, at the same time, you are old enough to know if you are having unprotected sex the possibility is that you are going to get pregnant. Both of these guys with whom you have had sex have other women. So, by having unprotected sex with them you expose yourself not only to pregnancy, but to venereal diseases, including HIV/AIDS.

These guys are not serious about you. They are players. I must emphasise you must keep one man. If you are determined to have sex, then you must protect yourself. Please understand I am not encouraging you to have sex, but if you must, please protect yourself at all times.

Pastor