I am a 26-year-old woman who is having some problems with my 30-year-old husband. I have been with him for six years but we have only been married for two years.

He is in the army and has been mostly overseas for the greater part of our marriage. I found out that he was cheating on me and having unprotected sex the day before I went into delivery. He did not show up until five days later although I knew that he was in another state. I read on his email that he was doing these things but he told me that they were not true and it was a friend that logged in under his account and was emailing and bragging to another friend about having anal sex. They are all in the army together.

no remorse

It has been almost a year now and I have tried to forgive him even though he showed no remorse for his behaviour. I have even moved to where he is stationed, with the kids and the new baby. I have been at his new post of duty for seven months now and I have had problems with him coming in late every weekend, between the hours of 3 a.m. to 5 a.m.

He says he isn't cheating on me. When he goes out, it is with the boys. I have never met any of his friends or co-workers whom he claims he hangs out with. Well, recently I went to the doctor for my yearly female check-up and also for birth control. My doctor called me by phone three days later, while he was home watching TV and told me that I have chlamydia. I was shocked and started to cry because I know that that meant he had sex with someone else without a doubt and because of that he had given me his STI.

As soon as I got off the phone and told him what the doctor had said, he was laughing and then went into denial. We both went to the doctor's office, where he denied having sex with someone else. Then, finally he admitted that he did have sex with someone else and that happened before I moved to his post. He went on to say that he did not know that he had got a STI.

I want to leave him but it is difficult for me because I have kids and I am far away from home. I don't know anyone here and I have no funds for the move. I did not get the army involved in this and it seems that his only concern is that I don't let them know about it. He doesn't seem to care about how I feel. He doesn't even try to make me see him as a better person.

What should I do? I am very hurt and confused. I have even suggested counselling but he doesn't want to go.

L.F., United States

Dear L.F.,

You should not have sexual intercourse with this man without him using a condom. And, you should insist that both of you go for counselling. You can make an appointment to see his chaplain and speak to him in confidence. He will not let you down but would meet with both of you or suggest to you what step you should take.

I know that people make mistakes. But, when people are bumptious and do not behave as if they are wrong, action would be taken. Women often forgive their men who are penitent, but they are not inclined to be gracious and to suffer in silence over men who behave as if they don't care about their relationships.

So, although you are concerned about your children and your being far away from relatives and friends, you should take action by insisting that this man and you go for counselling and that he ends his wayward life. His behaviour right now is a recipe for divorce. Let us hope that it does not come to that.

Pastor