Dear Pastor,

When I was in Jamaica, I used to buy the paper every day just to read your column. Please, keep up the good work. Lots of love. I never thought I would be one of your writers, but as they say there is a first for everything.

I had been dating this guy for over three years before I left Jamaica. During that third year we had some problems. When I couldn't take the problems anymore with him and my relatives (they didn't want to see us together and they tried everything to pull us apart), I tried to kill myself by taking pills and drinking alcohol. However, I saw a psychiatrist a few times and I got over everything and we continued dating.

Before my boyfriend and I continued dating, I went to a function and met another guy. He was in a relationship already so we just became friends. I had known him while I had taken the pills and during my time in the hospital, he gave me almost everything my relatives had already given me. He gave me food, the basic necessities, etc. And we got closer and closer. He fell for me but I was confused about everything so I tried to get out but he wouldn't let me go. At that time my boyfriend was also fighting to save our relationship. I ended up falling in love with both of them. For some reason, there is nothing that I could do to make them hate me or end the relationship.

Until this very day, I am still trying to see if one of the two would just let go. I am coming back to Jamaica in a few months. I may never come back here for now because I applied to attend two universities in Jamaica next year and hopefully I will get through to go to one. But, I don't want to date two guys at the same time and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I love them both and they love me. I know this for a fact because I made them prove it. I know you are going to tell me I was wrong from the start but I just need your help on what to do, please and thank you.

S.J., Turks and Caicos, Caribbean

Dear S.J.,

Don't worry, I am not going to condemn you but I am going to be frank. This is the way I am as a counsellor. I believe in telling counsellees the truth. There are times when the direct approach must be taken, even if the counsellee may not be pleased. To some people, the counsellor may sound rough. But like a surgeon whose patient needs surgery the surgeon must use the knife. And though it might be painful , it is for the good of the patient.

Now, my darling, it is never good for two men to be trying to win the love of a woman or for a woman to love two men at the same time. So, I want you to be honest with yourself and speak the truth. Which one of these men do you love more and why? No woman can love two men equally at the same time.

A woman may love a man because he is very good in bed, but he is broke. He can't give her much money or any at all. But, she loves him because he satisfies her sexually. He knows how to hit her right on the spot and causes her to experience orgasm just about all the time. But, he is so very poor.

The other man is weak in that area but he can provide her with the stability that she needs. Whatever bills are to be paid, he could take care of that. And, if he is handsome and drives a lovely car, that is a big plus! She will see him during the week, but on weekends she will see the man who will give her what she wants in bed.

Mark you, I am not here accusing you of anything but I am asking you to be honest with yourself and answer these questions: "Why are you in love with these two men?" Which one do you love more? Which do you believe will make you a good husband? No one can choose for you. But you are playing with fire if these two men are aware of each other and are fighting for your love and attention. Whoever wins the battle may not treat you so very well, when the going gets rough. That one may always remind you that you are not such an upright woman as the public may think.

My prayer, therefore, is that God will direct you into doing what is right. You cannot go on loving two men at the same time and being intimate with them.

Pastor