Dear Pastor,

I must commend you on the tremendous work that you are doing. I really need your advice. I am being slowly forced over the edge or on the brink of being psychotic. What do you think of a father who calls his daughter a "good for nothing female dog" and a "john crow," because he sees her speaking to someone of the opposite sex? Nothing serious, just an exchange of words. Well, I am such a daughter. I think what he says to me is way beyond rude but little did I know that a 'man of God,' a Minister of religion, an ordained pastor, my father would call me a whore and a slut. To me, he is a hypocrite to the gospel of Jesus Christ, a fornicator, and an adulterer. I don't mean to judge him; that I leave to God.

My family and a friend of mine and her family planned an outing. The guy who my father saw me talking to, as I mentioned above was also going on the outing. He is living with the family who was going on the outing too. On the day that they were all planning to leave, he came over to my house to let me know that they were ready but I had changed my mind about going. While the guy was at my house, my father insulted him and proceeded to insult me too. He even went as far as to insult my friend too, saying that she was the one who "hooked" us up. I would not even dare tell my friend what he said about her as I was so ashamed. Pastor, I swear to you, I had no plans with that guy but my father was adamant that I did.

I still shudder to think that a man of his so-called intelligence would behave in such a way. When he said those words to me, I felt something pierce my heart. I suddenly had difficulties breathing and my heart started to race.

I have now graduated from high school. I am now 17 years old. He tells me that I cannot go out as I please. I cannot even visit my friend as often as I would like who lives just down the road from me. My father thinks my friend is a bad influence on me. But, actually she and a friend from school are the ones that give me hope and help me to look forward to a new day.

My father is damaging my self-esteem. He is driving me over the edge. I know that if I remain in this situation, I will go insane. Every night, I pray that the Lord keeps me sane. My father complains regularly. My mother left when I was seven. I never saw her again since the day that she left, but I know that she has problems of her own. He fusses about spending his money. He has now started to say that none of his children are any good. We are worthless and we lack respect for him.

beat me to sickness

My father has said to me that if I dare disobey him, he will "beat me to sickness." He did in fact beat me when I asked him if I could go visit my friend and I stayed longer than expected. He beat me so badly, using a stick to inflict injuries to my back and my shoulders, my legs and my thighs. My shoulders were sore with bruises and they were swollen and ached for weeks. My thighs were also swollen. The stick even caught two of my fingers, leaving a dark circle on each finger where it had bled.

I want to know, "Don't parents protect their children anymore?" Mine is destroying me. Don't parents help to build their children's self-esteem? Shouldn't they have a positive attitude in their children's life? I am tired of being humble. Why can't my father give me space? I cry day and night. Why is he trying to bring me this low? He thinks that I am so in love and sexually involved with that young man but I am not.

I want to hang out with my friends but I am never allowed. If I go somewhere even with his approval, he thinks I am doing something rude or rather as he says "sluttish." I am badly in need of your help. He complained after paying for my CXCs saying that I am the first child of his who has taken so much money out of him. And, he will not allow his money to go "down the drain." He always wants me around him. He never wants me out of his sight. He doesn't even want me to get a summer job. I think he fears something; I just don't know what it is. I wonder if he is trying to deprive me of my future. I am so, so very scared. Help me, please.

A.S., Clarendon, Jamaica

Dear A.S.,

You are a very intelligent girl. But, I must say that your father is behaving like a fool. A father can be strict on his child, but he ought not to be disrespectful or cruel. I am amazed that this man would even beat you. He is a making a sad mistake. Somebody ought to tell this man that unless God puts his grace in your heart, you will hate him. It must be painful for you to hear the accusations against you. He has no shame.

You know, if he is trying to watch you, you can beat him to it, if you want to. But, you are not into that. You are a wise girl. You want to do well. You know that what is important is having a good education, so it would be unwise for you to go out and become sexually active.

I am sorry that your father has cursed you. But, I will tell you this, stand firm. Don't allow anything he says to you to ruffle you. Keep your head up high.

Your mother is not around, but you can emulate women who are lovely mothers. When your father is raging like a lion, be calm. God won't give you more than you can bear. Try your best to get into college. And don't think that you will not be able to pay to get a good college education. As long as you have the desire to succeed, you will. Let me hear from you again.

Pastor