Dear Pastor,

I am a 16-year-old student who has been traumatised by a family friend who has been known by the family for about five years. He is 29 years of age.

He always offers to give a helping hand and we know each other's family very well. One afternoon, while I was at home, he came by the house to visit and sat beside me and asked me if I could perform oral sex on him.

Mother won't find out

He said, as a virgin, if I did it that way, my mother would never find out I was having sex. I was so shocked that I could not speak ... what he said to me came from nowhere. I got up and went to my room, locked the door and began crying. I felt so bad to know that my family, friends and neighbours all trusted this man.

For a week, I kept it to myself. I find it hard going to my mom with this because I am afraid of what she would do. Please advise me on what to do. Since that incident I just feel like staying by myself and not speaking to anyone or going anywhere. I also seem to be a little withdrawn. Please, advise me, pastor. Thanks in advance.

K., St James, Jamaica

Dear K.,

I suggest that you tell your parents what this man said to you. If your parents are wise and trust you they will thank you for telling them. They would be proud of you for not yielding to the request of this man.

They should confront him on the matter and they should not allow him to come to the house when they are not there. In fact, they should ban him from coming to the house. Good men seek to protect the children of their friends. They don't seek to abuse them in any way.

Having said the above, may I ask you to be prepared to hear the lies this man may tell on you. He may call you a vicious liar. He may even say that you were the one who suggested that he have oral sex with you. Your mother will question why you took so long to tell her. Be prepared to tell her why. Don't be afraid to speak the truth.

Pastor