I am confused and stressed out. I am 29 years old and a single parent. I have had a lot of bad luck with men. From the very first time that I have been in relationships, I have never had any luck with men. I had my first child for my childhood sweetheart when I was twenty years old. As soon as he heard that I was pregnant, he left me. I struggled with my daughter for a year and a half, alone. I got involved with another man. I got pregnant for him too and shortly after he found out, he too left me. So, I ended up alone with two kids to take care of.

It is so hard. I cannot find a man to love me and I don't know why. I started a few more relationships after my second child and I still had no luck with any of them. Pastor, I am a quiet, fun-loving person. I am not ugly but I guess I have to face the reality that I am just not lucky when it comes to men. Maybe the man I want does not want me. I envy my sister for being so lucky with her men.

I need your advice. I have tried everything and they all failed. I want so much to serve God, but every time that I make up my mind to serve Him, problems arise. It may either be that I have bills to pay and I am in debt or thinking about my children being without their fathers. I only work part-time, so money doesn't come in constantly. I read my Bible a lot and I pray nightly.

What steps do I need to take to serve God? Why is it that I can't find a good man? How do I speak to my children about their fathers? I await your advice. God bless you.

B.L., Clarendon. Jamaica

Dear B.L.,

The truth is, you have to learn to face life alone. You are giving the impression that without a man, you cannot serve God, or that you cannot be happy. Women who take that position end up being used over and over and over. God knows what is good for you. It is not every woman who will get married. And some who are married are not happy, and wish they were never married. Some single women, from time to time, feel the need for male companionship, but they never get married.

pregnant twice

You have been very unfortunate in that you have allowed yourself to become pregnant twice. And then you blame the men. Perhaps they didn't treat you well. But you should remember that happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy by the choices you have made. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. A man can contribute to your happiness or your unhappiness, but the choice is yours. That's why I always tell women that they should never stay with men that make them unhappy. Everybody deserves to be happy.

Now you are claiming that you can't serve God because you are financially embarrassed and you don't have a man. That is utter nonsense. Live in the centre of God's will. And if a man comes around and you believe that both of you can have a future together, you may take time to know him. But you should always bear in mind that it is not easy to know when a man is speaking the truth, and if it is God's will for you to have an intimate relationship with that man, God may reveal it if you are open to His leading.

What I am trying to say to you is, carve out your future as a single woman, and leave the rest in God's hands.

Pastor