Next Sunday is Mother's Day. Yeah, man, the annual commercial celebration of the myths and magic of motherhood approaches. And as I watch the increase in invitations to Mother's Day events and advertisements for elaborate gifts, I got to thinking again. Why do we assume that every single one of us has the same overwhelmingly positive emotional connection to our biological maternal parent?

Is there space for those who cannot find any joy in celebrating mothers? And trust me; many are those who fall in this category. Some people have a hard time dealing with the Mother's Day hype. Several are those who have contentious and problematic relationships with their own mothers who they deem to be persons of questionable character.

Many are those who ask 'Does the fact that this person carried me in her womb for nine months make her immune to honest and objective critical analysis? Since when does being a mother make a woman perfect and almost next to God? What about those of us who know that our mothers failed miserably in their maternal role? Should we just celebrate the fact that they gave birth to us?'

Yeah, man, mi know mi stirring up ants' nest! To even start talking about mothers or motherhood in a negative light will undoubtedly have people heaping condemnation on my head. You see, motherhood is an interesting meeting place of the sacred and the profane. At least that's how I see it when I try to penetrate the Jamaican attitude to mothers.

praise and adoration

On one hand, many people consider mothers to be deserving of the greatest praise and adoration. On the other hand, vulgar and offensive references to mothers punctuate almost every discussion among some people. Some of the same people who would righteously reprimand me for challenging society's adoration of mothers and questioning the sanctity of mothers, if I get them angry enough, would tell me crude and licentiously vulgar things that I can do to my mother.

And every Jamaican knows that one sure way for a verbal conflict to escalate from a 'cussing' to a 'dussing' is for one party to say something really nasty about the other party's mother. Disrespect to one's mother is supposed to be treated as sacrilege.

I find this positioning of motherhood as a place of worship and cursing to be a very interesting contradiction. I think mothers, as well as others, would benefit from discussions that help to demystify and demythologise motherhood. I believe overabundance of zealous positive emphasis on motherhood helps to contribute to emotional marginalisation of fatherhood. 'Dis' a man's father and he may take it in a humorous light, but 'dis' a person's mother and dem might just bruk a fight. Weird, eh? And the sad truth is, there are many mothers who are unworthy of such honour.

Come Sunday, I bless up all mothers still, especially those who really deserve it. I honour those who mother biologically and those who mother emotionally and socially. For my own mother, I sing the first line of the Sizzla Kalonji tunes 'Thank Yu Mama for the nine months Yu carry me through; all those pain and suffering, no one knows the pressure yu bear, just only you.' But that's only one part of the maternal work, so I have to also say happy Mother's Day to my late Aunt Rebecca who raised me and my former teacher Phyllis Welsh who really nurtured me!

Nuh tell mi 'bout mi mother, but box-mi-back@hotmail.com