I am now 23. When I was 10 years old my neighbour's grandson came to visit her for the summer. She was a very kind lady and my mother would make extra money to take care of us by helping her to look after her house. She would always give me and my little brothers and many of the other children presents at Christmas. She used to live in Canada, before I was born, and had her children and grandchildren there.

Kind to us

He was 19 and was very kind to us. He would buy us a lot of fruits and give it to all the children when he returned from going out. However, he would go to the beach everyday and all the children kept asking him to take us with him, but he said he couldn't. We could not understand why, since our mothers said we could go with him. One day his grandmother asked him to take us to the beach and he did and we had the best day of our young lives. We could not wait for daylight when he would take us to the beach again. He was very kind.

In love with him

When he left we all cried. However, I was in love with him and told my mother. She embarrassed me by telling his grandmother and, one day, she told him on the phone. When he went back to Canada he sent all the children presents for Christmas and summer but would send me a more special present. When I started high school he helped to pay my fees and sent pocket money. Since I only had my mother this was a very big help.

He visited again when I was 16 and finished high school. I was so excited when I knew he was coming because I had kept myself away from boys, just to save myself for him. However, he just treated me like everyone else, although he said I grew up to be a beautiful girl. He gave me money for college but he didn't treat me more special than the other children. I asked my mother if I could go with him to his hotel and she said yes. I asked him. Since my brother was sad, he said he could come too. He came on holidays with his two male cousins, who were 18 and 19, and he was 28. He paid for me and my brother to stay at the hotel for the weekend and instead of letting me stay in his room, he got an adjacent room where I stayed with my brother and his cousin from Jamaica, who is my brother's friend. The following day I asked him why he did not let me stay in the same room with him and he said it would not be right. I was very sad.

Last year I heard from his grandmother that he would be here for holidays. I knew where he was going to stop by his mother's friend and waited near the gate. When he arrived I went up to him and said hello. He did not recognise me but when I told him who I was he seemed happy and hugged me. I told him I would like to stay with him and he went to talk to his friend. He said that if I had another girlfriend, we could come together and stay with them. I invited another girl and we spent the best three days of our lives. By now, I was not a virgin anymore and when he asked me if I wanted to make love, I was happy to agree. He was very kind and treated me well.

He left the next day and I then called him to tell him how much I loved him. He said that he was sorry that we had sex but he didn't know that I was in love with him. Why else would I give myself to him? He said he would continue to help me with my studies, but he won't spend time with me again because I am getting the wrong impression. So, I told him that I loved him since I was 10 and he said that it was a joke between my mother and his grandmother and he was an adult at the time and didn't have eyes for a 10-year-old.

DEPRESSED

Now, I am so depressed because he is the only person I ever wanted. He helped me financially to finish my studies at university, but I feel empty without him. Last week, I called him to talk about my feelings. He said he has a girlfriend who he loves and that I am like a family member to him and that he is sorry we had sex and it won't happen again.

Please, tell me what to do. He was the kindest and nicest person I know and I don't know if I can live without his love.

K. S., St Thomas, Jamaica

Dear K. S.,

What a story! This man did his very best for you and one can see that his motives were pure. You did everything to show him that you loved him and that you wanted him to have sex with you. Finally he yielded, but his heart was never in it.

But you don't get it. You cannot say that he took advantage of you although he assisted you financially. He has told you the truth.

You feel hurt, but you must accept what he had said and move on. You should not pine over him.

Pastor

You should thank the Good Lord that he has done his best to help you and wish him well. It may take you a long time to overcome the desire that you have for him, but as time goes on the desire to have him will dissipate.

Pastor