Miss Kitty, Star Writer

Contrary to the popular belief, the view that women and (some men) only go to hairdressing parlours and nail shops to chat people and waste time while getting beautified is not entirely true. Admittedly, some may go because dem hear seh dem matie go deh and they want to present themselves fi size up the other woman. After the detective work is done, some very enlightening conversations and real life lessons are learnt as people from different walks of life converge in one area.

Over the weekend, while getting my nails done and my hair did (mi nails dem hot like twenty one fireside!), I had a light bulb moment (not one a the Cuban one dem) as the discussion about how does a woman know when her man want har, started to take form. Some women posited that when yuh man want yuh, you will know by the way him 'mine' yuh. I had a little difficulty with that perspective because a man can 'mine' yuh but him no really want yuh because mining a woman is not readily depleting his big bank account.

Another woman seemingly in her mid-thirties related that a woman can know when a man want her if him do the right 'things'. When probed about what constituted the 'right things', she explained that if he treats you with respect, love and affection, then him want yuh.

Healthy relationship

My feeling was similar to that because those three components are integral to any healthy relationship. A young woman of about 20 piped in to say that she nuh really think so because a pretend the man can a pretend seh him love yuh and out deh a gi yuh crazy bun. Sounding like she was testifying from experience and hurt, she said man a liard and some a dem need fi deh a Hollywood and deserve an Oscar award.

Though not impossible, it came to me that, 'Rahtid if a man a pretend fi want yuh and a do the right things, how do you really know seh him want yuh'?

Well I came to the conclusion that human beings are complex and may create impressions to get their desires. And so, though the components of love, trust, respect, providing (not mining) and transparency can be indicative of a man's interest and love, my focus was on, yuh can tell when a man don't want yuh.

Even if a woman no sure seh him want har, she can be sure seh him don't want har if him a kick out har 'latitude', disrespect har, cheat pon har and verbally abuse har. If a man can beat a woman just because today a Monday, him nuh want har. If he impregnates her, then abandons her and the child but only link har when him bruk or rain a fall - him don't want har.

If him pay more attention to and spend more money pon him car and him friend dem - him don't want har. If he takes pleasure in belittling you publicly and privately - him nuh want yuh. If yuh a fi always a call and show concern and interest all the time - him nuh want yuh. If him deh wid yuh sista, yuh best friend and a gi yuh bun fi last yuh fi summer , Christmas and Easter or fi New Year - weh mi seh, HIM NUH WANT YUH!

Great pretenders

A man's interest in a woman should be a desire that flows freely and willingly. There are always going to be the great pretenders and opportunists who will use women as stepping stones until someone stops them in their tracks. Man fi get the blame fi use people good gal pickney but some a di ediat naive gal dem fi tek responsibility and stop nuff up in a who nuh want dem. Many women avail themselves to be used and abused by men and craft all kinds of lies to console themselves as they refuse to graduate from the man-mascot university and see the light.

My thing is, if a man nuh rate yuh, yuh nuh rate him neda. If him treat yuh good, yuh give him back the same respect as my motto is 'always same fi the same'.

A man will treat a woman how she allows him to treat her, so it is important as women that we value ourselves because if you don't, he won't either. Before yuh stress ova a man weh nuh want yuh, mek sure yuh want yuhself and that way yuh won't have to put up with certain second-degree toilet matters.