Dear Pastor,

I am a 44-year-woman who lives in America. My husband is a Jamaican and he is 32. We have been married for over a year, but I have known him for almost eight years.

Denied his visa

I have done everything to get my husband, as well as his little daughter, here to the States with me, but he informed the US Embassy of his past experience with marijuana. He was denied his visa. I have always been morally and financially supportive of my husband, even though he works. Because of our distance, I have made many sacrifices to come and be with him and, not to mention, put myself through a lot of financial stress trying to do so.

Totally faithful

Due to this, I have taken on a couple of side jobs. One of the jobs happens to be at a night club, two nights per week, and it seems to be a problem with my husband. Since I have been working there, he has constantly been accusing me of having an affair. For the last three years, I have been totally faithful to my husband and I feel that he has been faithful too. Upon my last two visits, all we did was argue and fuss about him being insecure and having trust in me.

He was broke

One night, I went in his pants' pocket to search for his phone, while he was asleep, and I found over twelve thousand dollars. I was so shocked because he never mentioned this money to me, as he told me he was broke. I was so upset. I took four thousand dollars out of the money and never mentioned it to him. I know I was wrong but I was upset and felt that he was holding out on me. This has caused me to lose respect and trust for him. And, now that I am home, it's even worse. He continues to accuse me of cheating and being a liar when he is the liar.

I admitted to him over the phone that I took his money, and he told me that I was the worst thing that ever happened to him. That hurt my feelings because I have been good to that man and his child. I have decided that I don't want anything else to do with him and I want to file for a divorce.

Pastor, am I wrong for feeling this way?

H., Maryland, USA

Dear H.,

Your husband believes that you could not be faithful to him, living apart. He believes that all women are cheaters. That is unfortunate. I believe that you are trying to make the marriage work. I could only encourage you to continue to de so.

Your husband is jealous and insecure. You will have to do your best to assure him that he need not worry. All is well. Forgive him for saying that you are the worst thing that has ever happened to him. He was upset. He didn't mean what he said.

Pastor