Dear Pastor,

I'm a kind-hearted 22-year-old female who lives in New York City. I have problems with my 39-year- old boyfriend. He is sick. He has cancer and I found this out a little after we met and started to date.

But it doesn't bother me at all. It is just that I am always there for him and he is never there for me. He has these little ways of dealing with things and people who care about him. He puts his music first. Whenever it comes to me, I think it's all about sex and whatever I can do for him, like getting his music together for him so he can go out and play.

Whenever it comes to 'us' time there is never any. He is always on his phone. I keep asking him to tell his friends that he is busy when he is with me, but he only has time for me when we are to have sex.

I broke up with him two months ago, and the reason why I did so was because I always tell him that I love him and he has never told me that he loves me.

One day we had a talk and he looked me in the eyes and told me that he didn't love me, he only cares about me. I took some time and thought about what he said and I decided that I wanted to call it a day.

Broke it

A few days after I broke up with him, he told me he loves me and has always loved me, but he didn't want to tell me because his last girlfriend left him on the operation table when she first found out he was ill. He said he didn't want to give his heart to anyone else like that anymore. We are now back together and every day he tells me that he loves me. But now I have stopped telling him that I love him and have started pulling myself back. I keep asking myself why.

Please, pastor, tell me what to do.

S.K., New York, USA

Dear S.K.,

I suggest that you and this man go to see a family counsellor. If he truly loves you, he should be willing to get professional help because he has issues to deal with. Couples should always say to their spouses "I love you". It is good to show it, but it is also important that one says it.

Pastor