Dear Pastor,

I'm an 18-year-old Jamaican young lady who has moved to America to live with my mom for the last year and a half. My mom and I both have a very good relationship. I can say she's my sister and also my best friend. I have a problem with a guy I've been going out with. He's also Jamaican. We have been seeing each other for 11 months. I would describe our relationship as good sometimes, but you know everyone has his/her problems.

Fear of separation

The problem is, he told me three months ago that he has a fear of me and him separating. And since he told me everything just seems wrong to me.

If he has something to say to me he doesn't tell me because he doesn't want me to get mad (because of his fear). If I go outside to the mailbox and he calls and no one answers the phone, he repeats calling until he gets an answer.

Then he wants to know "Where were you?", "Who were you with?", "Why you didn't answer the phone?" and this happens everytime he calls and I am unavailable. To tell you the truth, I'm getting sick of it.

Before his 'fear', we used to talk about everything and anything, but now it just seems like we are drifting apart.

I'm confused by his actions because I don't know if he's trying to push me away by doing these things or what. Or, maybe it's his stupid cousin who's telling him crap.

He has a cousin who knows me and each time he talks to his cousin (they don't live together) he says his cousin is asking when are we going to have sex and he should have sex with me before I go to college or leave him, and some other crap.

But he told me he's waiting on me and he's not going to let me do something that I don't want to do and I believe him. We both talked and decided to wait.

I need some advice on what to do.

K.D., Florida, U.S.A.

Dear K.D.,

My I suggest that you discuss with your mother the problems you are having with your boyfriend. Both of you are very close and she will give you guidance. You are young people and you should try to understand each other.

If the relationship is going to develop, this young man will have to learn to respect you and trust you. And he also has to learn early that he does not control you and that you don't have to tell him about every step you take.

Ignore his cousin and tell your boyfriend that you do not want to hear the nonsense that his cousin is telling him.

Pastor