Dear Pastor,

I am a married woman. I migrated to the UK in 2001, leaving my husband and children behind in Jamaica. I was faithful until temptation got the better of me. I started sleeping with a white guy who did not satisfy me at all. He was more interested in oral sex which I participated in a few sessions. Time went by and I was bored. Sex was crap.

I met another guy, a British born. He did not like me to ask him for sex, he only wanted sex on his terms. On several occasions I tried to spice up the relationship by wearing exotic lingerie and using sexual poses, meeting him at the door, but he was not impressed at all. This broke my heart in two. I was so low, I almost killed myself.

Anyway, I was on the rebound and I met two other strong bodied Jamaican guys. We made no commitment, we just had sex. I was in heaven. They satisfied me in all dimensions. But I was still sad. I started divorce proceedings then withdrew the application because I thought that there might be the slightest possibility that I would get back with my husband. But little did I know he was having an affair. I was devastated as I trusted this man and spent most of my life with him.

The problem is I can't stop sleeping with strange men. Why do I keep allowing men to use me for nothing? I do not even get money or a proper bed to sleep on. The only thing I got was rough sex. I guess it makes me happy but deep down I have low self esteem and feel the need to belong.

I was molested as a child. I have also engaged in sexual acts involving multiple partners including women. What is wrong with me? Please give me you fatherly advise.

N. C. Birmingham, England

Dear N. C.,

How could you be so angry with your husband for having an affair when you know that you have been having sex freely with many men and even engaging yourself in orgies? If you wanted your marriage you should not have abandoned your husband and engage yourself in abominable acts.

Your biggest problem is sex. You love it and you want more and more of it. Not even the two Jamaican men were able to satisfy your crave. You see madam, you have it wrong. It is not every time a person has sexual urges he/she should have sex. One has to learn to control him/herself. Even married people lying down on the same bed have to control their sexual desires. Your lack of control has got you into trouble.

It is time to turn to the Lord for help. Your lifestyle has to change. The Lord can deliver you. Why not call a pastor who is in your area and ask him to help you and you may even consider talking to a family counsellor.

Pastor