Dear Pastor,

I read the advice that you give people all the time and I am a big fan. I hope you can help me as well. I have been seeing a guy for two years now but I am now not sure if I want to continue this relationship.

In the beginning of the relationship, we decided to be secret lovers (friends with benefits). I was very much ok with the idea because I was not ready to be in a serious relationship. My heart couldn't take the excitement anymore. As time progressed, we started to become more and more serious with each other until he told me that he wanted to have a real boyfriend and girlfriend relationship with me. I told him sure, because I knew that I didn't want to be with anyone else.

Now there is a problem. I have been hearing rumours that he is still with his ex-girlfriend and that he is engaged to her. I want to ask him about her but I can't bother with another trust argument and I am getting fed up with this whole situation. I love him and I want to be with him, but I cannot afford to have my heart broken again. What do you think I should do? Help me, pastor.

R. E., Florida, USA

Dear R. E.,

I think I ought to let the public know that 'friends with benefits' means that there is sex involve in this sort of friendship, but it is just casual sex. Now, having said that, let me go on to address your present concern. This man told you that he wanted the relationship to become tighter and you agreed. Both of you now consider yourselves as intimate friends, which should lead to marriage.

You have heard that he has been lying to you and that he is engaged to the girl with whom he had a previous relationship. You are too scared to ask him for fear of losing him. My dear, you need not be afraid. You should face him with the question. Is it true that you are engaged to another woman? Ask him this question whenever you see him. Don't discuss this matter on the telephone. Discuss it with him face to face. Tell him that you do not expect him to lie to you. But go further. If this man tells you that he is not having a relationship with the girl in question, tell him that you want all three of you to meet to discuss your relationship with him. If he does not agree, drop him like hot bread because he has something to hide.

Pastor