Dear Pastor,

I am a frequent reader of your column and I find it interesting. I see where you give people valuable advice and I was wondering if you could do the same for me. I am a 21-year-old man and I am having a little problem in my life. I met this girl about three years ago at my workplace. When I met her she had a boyfriend at the time.

At first it was just a casual relationship, and then I fell in love with her. We made plans to move in to together but they were futile because she resigned from her job in August 2004. We continued to talk after and our relationship became stronger than ever. Then after a few months, she started saying that I don't have any time for her but she knows how the work is, because we used to work at the same place. She lives in Portmore and I live in Vineyard Town and the traffic is too heavy for me to go and look for her and make it back to my house in time.

We made plans to have a baby but after sex she went behind my back and took the pills to kill the baby. After that she asked me for some money to go and visit her grandmother in St. Ann where her ex-boyfriend lives but she told me that he was in England. I noticed that she started moving differently. She stopped calling me and also stopped coming to visit me. Then four months later she called me telling me that she is pregnant for her ex- boyfriend.

I can't believe what she has done. She ripped my heart out and for that reason every girl I meet gets the bad end of the stick. I am still hurting and I am not afraid to admit that. As soon as I have sex with any girl I cut her off because I don't want to get attached with any other girl. I have had sex with 15 girls since I got the news in December 2005.

As you can see, I am having a big problem and I need your help.

A.L., St. Andrew, Jamaica

Dear A.L.,

Have you stopped to think that you are not behaving as a man and that you are just as much a liar as the girl with whom you established a relationship during the time both of you were working at the same place? Face it, when you met her you knew she had a boyfriend. You got into her life and you made her a cheater. You were not as squeaky clean as you are pretending to be now. You should not have become sexually involved with her when you knew she had a man. Whether that man was abroad or in Jamaica is not the issue here. She had a man in her life, so you should have left her alone.

You feel hurt now because she has left you and has gone back to her ex-boyfriend. You are fortunate that she did not tell you that you impregnated her. She saved you from wearing a 'tight jacket'. You are young and immature and that is why you believe that you can waste your strength on 15 girls in one year. And I believe that you are giving these girls money. You think that you are using these girls. Indeed, you may, because you are lying to them but no wrongdoing will go unpunished. You need to stop the foolishness and grow up. The girl has gone back to her man because she loves him more than you. Accept what has happened and move on.

Pastor