Tell Me Pastor

I have never known happiness

Dear Pastor,

My problem is that I am very unhappy. I have been through two bad relationships and each time I had put my heart and soul in each but was dumped in the end. These past relationships have made me bitter and hard. I tried hard to change my nagging ways but I just can't find peace.

I met and fell in love with a good man two years ago, and despite his kindness I just can't seem to be happy. He had no kids and desired one with me. Hoping that he would fulfil my empty heart, I got pregnant.

It's almost 4 months now, but he has no intention of moving in with me. I told him that this child would not bear his name if we don't share the same roof. He has always wanted a child and I know for sure that he will support his child well.

On one hand I just want to bring up this child on my own and deprive him/her of his/her dad because this man has been hanging in the empty. But, on the other hand, I would really want both of us to get engaged before the baby arrives and for him to act as a future husband/father. This is not the case and, honestly, this situation makes me very unhappy and he is aware of it. His argument is that I am too nagging and he has to look out for himself as I always throw him out after we have a quarrel.

I have written to you in the past and you told me I should pray to God for guidance. My heart is hard and I can't find a way to pray even though I do believe in God.

I have been through hell and back many times and believe me, I am bitter. I know that you may say why did I get pregnant then if there was no grass to cut? Honestly, I do love this man and I want for us to be a loving family. He tells me that I am the most wonderful person he has ever met but my bad character is scary.

I have never opened up to him and shared all the pain that I have been through. In past relationships I did open up and the men used my painful past to reopen my unmended wounds. This man and I love each other but it seems as though we would be better lovers apart. The few times I have prayed and asked God to shine a light on my sinful soul and got back on my feet, there was another problem waiting for me. I get to think that we attract what we are. I have never in my 36 years known happiness.

Please help me.

..., France

Dear ...,

I don't blame this man for not wanting to marry you. You are not fun to be around. Apart from satan you are your worse enemy and you will never be happy if you continue to be so selfish and self-centered.

I repeat what I told you before. Seek the Lord. He is the only One who will bring peace in your life. I hope that this man will support his child.

Pastor